VMAs - Award shows are gay in general. It's like all the biggest names in the mainstream media come together to perform a high school play. The scripted dialogue they read off the teleprompter is so poorly performed it's like their retarded. They go through about a four minute bit, then the lights go off, the stagehands turn on six hundred fog machines, seizure-inducing colored spotlights go crazy and the stage rotates, and some overexposed artist sings a song you've heard seven-hundred thousand times before with backup dancers dressed like aborted cows. This process of a bit, award, song, bit, award, song repeats until Al Gore comes to promote his high school Power Point project about global warming.
Global Warming - Sure, oceans and temperatures are rising, but how will this affect me? No hurricanes can touch me, and it's too damn cold here anyway. Besides, I'll long be dead before the time this issue becomes a real problem. My kids can deal with that.
But seriously, what are you going to do about it? Recycling is bullshit, keeping a few Pepsi cans out of a landfill isn't going to save any penguins. Maybe I'll stop driving and walk everywhere? Good luck with that.
Rainbows - Rainbows are gay.
Dancing - Dancing is so gay. What's the point? It's like a big sweaty orgy but instead of taking your clothes off, everyone just dry humps each other to top 40 rap.
Andy Richtor - What happened to you Andy Richtor? You left Conan O'Brien over five years ago in pursuit of better things. And for what? Landing the big role of a French faggot's dog training boyfriend in Talladega Nights? I think he said 12 words in the movie.
Since he quit the Cone Zone, his career has been pointless. There was that movie he was in with Tim Allen that never really got released since the entire plot was a comedy about smuggling bombs a missiles on plans. Then 9/11 came and suddenly exploding planes wasn't humorous anymore.
Then, he tried his own show, Andy Richtor controls the Universe. That sucked. I wanted to like it so bad, but it just sucked. All the "quirky" office characters and their huge neurotic problems. It was like my uncle kept telling me slightly off colored jokes and I had to force a smile and pretend it was funny.
I keep getting Andy Richter mixed up with that guy in the Sierra Mist commercials.
Modern "Rock" Bands - Today's rock bands are too busy parting their extremely girlish long dyed black hair to realize how faggy they look. Maybe if you stopped dyeing your hair with all those chemicals we can save a penguin.