Each year for one week, usually in an English class, we would all go to the library and have a pathetic excuse for a job fair. We would look through a cart of books that listed basically every occupation known to man. Pick what you want to do for the rest of your life, good luck.
What always bothered me about this was the immature cool kids in class. You know, the ones that you would ask, hey, what do you want to be when you grow up? And they would reply,
uhhhhh, I dunno, a gynecologist. That would be sweet.
Then come the high fives to classmates, as if what he said was so rebellious and/or awesome.
But the thought that always occurred to me was, why? Why would you want to be a gynecologist, I would ask.
uhhh, so I could look at pussy all day, homo. (high fives)
Yeah you’re right. That would be really sweet. Because you’d been seeing vag all day. What kind of skewed vision of a gynecologist do you have? That hot models and moms come in all day, stressed about their frustrating and sexually unfulfilling lives, flashing their hot snatches at you?
Nope, but you’ll see plenty of yellow vaginal discharge. Gonorrhea at its finest. Not such a great job after all huh?
Think about it. A doctor is like a gas station. Everyone needs gas. And everyone gets sick and goes to the doctor. And if your reproductive organ is pussing out and needs help, where are they going to go? The gas station?
So, what I’m getting at is that even ugly people buy gas. And ugly people get sick too. And fat people. And trashy people. And old people. Talk about an AWESOME high-five worthy job now, after looking at granny crab apple’s wrinkly, hairy, ninety year old bush.
Oh god, these pictures are somehow turning me on. But seriously, if you looked at this stuff everyday, because it was your job, would you even be attracted to it ever again? This job would burn toxic images in your brain and forever turn you to a life of abstinence. It would literally ruin sex for you. Awesome job, huh?
That reminds me of porn. I stopped watching that stuff a while ago. Why? It just isn’t realistic. First of all, plots are stupid. This is a given. But we enjoy watching them anyway. It’s like when you see an episode of Full House on TV- you hate the show, you hate all the characters, you hate the story, you know this show is lame, you know that the show is not funny at all…yet, when a re-run is on Fox Family, you can’t help but watch. And you KNOW the show is lame, but you can’t not watch it. It’s weird.
And you thought the last two vaginas were bad…
But the plots of pornos are similar. You KNOW they are going to do it, but it is interesting to see what road they are going to take. Are they going to take the highway, or the scenic route, or the subway? It doesn’t matter which way you take, since we all will end up at the same destination- doing it. But it is interesting to see how they get there.
Anyway, not only are the plots ridiculous, but the actual sex scenes are just unrealistic. First of all, they last for minutes upon minutes. Up to fifteen minutes even! A real sex scene, in real life, would definitely be much, much shorter. And more awkward positioning. A ninety minute adult film translates to about seven minutes in real life. But I guess adult films are escapes from reality anyway. Whoops, I’m sorry, erotic fantasy.
By the way, I have official proof that search engines DO NOT WORK! Check out some of these referrals. People actually typed these things in search engines, and somehow stumbled across my site. You be the judge:
ashole (due to another misspelling on my site)
ashole test (you failed, or passed, whichever's worse)
lesbi
burger king star wars commercials (losers)
i hate myspace (don't we all?)
myspace top eight (why?)
great liars (they've come to the right place)
astronaut liars ( I guess cause we fake the moon landing)
adidas school shoes
french fry low carb substitute
florida mall
experiments
condoms
hollister co. layouts (what, is someone on the internet planning a diamond heist at Hollister?)
hollister employees
cell phone set off store security alarm (they set off library alarms too)
boycott against wendy's (amen)
wendy's food
boy meets world college years (they sucked)
price gouging amusement parks (Disney sucks)
ritalin trivia
The WORST two referrals:
child lesbi (pervert)
owen wilson shirtless (and you thought child lesbi was bad)
About 15.1% of referrals contain the words:
i hate nascar
hate nascar
nascar boring rally
dont like nascar (it’s nice to know I’m not alone)
By the way, 31.3% of all my refers contain the words:
misha barton
misha barton oc
oc misha barton
I wrote an article about Mischa Barton and the OC a while ago, but I accidentally spelled Mischa without the C. A common mistake, as most people are searching for Mischa are spelling it wrong too. It’s spelled Mischa, ok? Just so you know...