As a race of civilized creatures, constantly yearning for the newest and greatest breakthroughs in our otherwise pointless existence, we see space travel as the crowning achievement of the human race, even though we pretty much suck at it.
However, compared to down here on Earth, the space shuttle has probably some of the most sophisticated technology anyway. Hence, the expression, "it's used on the space shuttle." Suddenly, that $50 pair of underwear doesn't seem like such a waste of money. Well, they do use it on the space shuttle, after all. And if it's good enough for John Glenn, then it's good enough for me, dammit.
It works with anything that's overpriced. Name an item. Go ahead. Any article of clothing, any type of human tool (regardless of how advanced or primitive), any toy, any book, anything. Just stamp on the NASA logo - well, it's used on the space shuttle, so I'm sure it'll do great here on Earth.
It doesn't work for food - it's common knowledge that food has to be freeze-dried to go into orbit. And that food sucks. You can't really use that phrase with food, since obviously, food isn't taken on the space shuttle. Besides Tang orange juice (c'mon, it's used on the space shuttle, but shhhhhh! it's just overpriced artificial orange juice).
For food, substitute the phrase with - "fortified with x number of essential vitamins." People sure do pay a lot if they think they are eating healthy. Fortified is an incredibly strong word that makes you want to join the army and siege a castle - a wimpy word like "contains" or something like that just doesn't cut it - fortified sounds like you crammed every possible serving size of nutrition into that particular piece of food - a solid brick fortress of nutrition. And I don't think you'll ever meet a person who says, hmm, packed with nutrition? I'll pass, I'm trying to cut back on my nutrition.
Or you could just fund a crappy, half-ass, slanted research project about how your food product cures and/or prevents a disease. That works too.
But that's not what I have to talk about today. No. Something much more important that that space-aged marketing. And that lesson is - don't trust white people.
White people are probably the best liars out of any race. That why so many are politicians and lawyers. Why do you think there are so many white politicians and lawyers? White people = great liars. How much bullshit have we eaten from George W. Bush alone? I am in awe of his spectacular lying abilities. Yep, you sure were right about Iraq. It'll only take a couple of months - whoops, I actually mean years. It'll only take a little bit - whoop - I mean, trillions of dollars to fight this war. Well, at least those stockpiles of WMDs are off the streets - dang it - well, it looks like there aren't any here. Huh. I couldn't have sworn that there were. How about that…well, I'm pretty sure they got moved to Iran, maybe we should look - whoops - I mean bomb the shit out that country. God I hate republicans, more than anything, but I'll save that for a different day.
Just to balance out the spectrum, democrats aren't much better - but themselves are also excellent liars. Let's take a look at everyone's intern-banger, Bill Clinton. That was a pretty bold lie about Monica Lewinski. "I did not have sexual relations with that woman……..(at least not today)…." (on an unrelated note, whatever happened to Ken Starr? His sole purpose in life was just to destroy Clinton, yet he only became more popular than ever before. Go figure.)
Our last two lying presidents alone did enough lying for six generations of Native Americans, who wafted the white people's lies like paint thinner on Christmas morning.
America, 300 years ago...
America, present day
Whatever, like they were going to fight the white people anyway. You think after the first 50 or so years of lying, you'd start not believing them and taking a stand. You pussies.
So all politicians lie. That doesn't even include the real bastard whites like Hitler or Stalin or Frankie Muniz. The media lies - yeah, we actually landed on the moon. I saw the FOX special. Liars. Gravity-hating astronaut liars.
But the more I think about it, the more I realize that white people basically run everything. Do you think if black people ran the world, ran the media, ran the politics, etc, that THEY would lie?
HELL NO THEY WOULDN'T. Black people tell it like it is. I know this because I'm white. For example, you're in a crowded store, and you bump into a person. The force of the unintentional bump forces you him to drop a glass jar, which splatters everywhere like a Star Wars nerd's masturbation release. The person turns around to confront you:
A white person would say something to the extend of - "hey, it happens, no harm done." And you'll believe it, you'll actually think that he's actually doesn't mind, when he's really thinking "you motherfucker, you fucked my shit up".
And a black person would say something to the extend of - "you motherfucker, you fucked my shit up". No lying. No bullshit. He tells it like it is, which is exactly the reason why Chris Rock isn't running for president anytime soon. Hey, if you tell all the other poker players what cards you've got, you got nothing to bluff with when the second hand comes around.
If you learned anything from me today, know this. White people, if you need to lie to get ahead white people, that's probably not a good idea for the afterlife. And all Asians have superpowers.
Welcome back.