Whichever you choose, whenever you are done “taking care of business” (PS when I mean taking care of business, I mean MASTERBATING omgf LOLOLOLSS!!!)…Okay, when a guy’s done “taking care of business” (wink), the last thing he wants to do is watch MORE sex. After you clean up and come back, well, suddenly it’s not so entertaining anymore.
Maybe it’s because you realize you’re alone and you cry a little on the inside. Maybe because there’s nothing more this woman can do for you at the moment. Or maybe it’s a bit of jealous because that hung dude in the movie really puts you to shame. But the point it, you suddenly don’t want to watch the movie anymore.
But what I found is that the best think to watch in the aftermath still is the ACTING! I never really appreciated how awesomely lame those acting scenes are! Really, watch them next time when you’re done “taking care of business.” But below, here are some really kick ass examples.
I was going to put up some pictures for the full effect, but I can’t copy the images out of Windows Media Player. I know there’s a work around for it, I knew it at one point, can anyone help me out?
But anyway, I’ll do my best to set the scene. The teacher is a thirty year old man with pierced ears with a lisp. He is just wrapping up the lesson for the day. The studio setting looks like it was constructed in the corner of a basement; the scene is dressed with a few desks, a generic sports pennant that reads ‘GO STATE!’, and a plant. Then the sexy dialogue begins.
(* Note: It's not a pop quiz if you tell your dumb class when it is, silly goose). At this point the class is gone and the teacher begins eyeing around the room with sly suspicion. After he confirms no one is in the room, that's when the 19 year old Asian (female) Pornstar pops up from behind his desk.
Azn: Are they gone yet?
Teacher: Yeah they're gone, that was a close one! If my students are to find out that we're having sex in the classroom between periods, I could get fired, I could lose my job!
(*Note: Again, being fired pretty much is the same thing as losing your job)
Azn: I'm sorry, you're just so cute and I really wanted you to fuck me...well...I thought we'd have time to fuck before class (whew), but thanks for hiding me though.
Teacher: It was very hard for me to conduct a class while you were under the desk sucking my dick.
(*Note: Very hard, literally).
Teacher: You know, I'm still frazzled! Rrrigh!
(*Note: Please click the link to play it, the acting is just so ridiculous I love it)
Azn: I'm sorry, I'm just at that age where I'm really really horny and I gotta go to geometry class and I don't even know how I'm going to concentrate cause my pussy's so wet. Well...you could at least lock the door.
Teacher: What?! I almost got caught having sex with you like, an hour ago and you want me to do it again?
Azn: Can you at least lick my pussy? It's so wet.
Teacher: Oh my God. I'm going to be so fired.
(*Note: Although he sounds like a gay hairdresser with that Lance Bass lisp, he proceeds to pound twat for about twenty minutes; that's 21 minutes longer than I would've made it).
The Teacher goes off screen as the young student (I mean, wannabe model Los Angeles meth addict) smiles with delight. My favorite part, right before the "licking of pussy", was the fact, while the teacher was repositioning the broad on the desk, he says:
Teacher: I locked the door.
Really? Did you really need to tell us that? The fact that horny Ms Hello Kitty Pornstar suggested it, AND you went off screen towards the door to come back and have your way with her, did the screenwriter really think the audience needed that closure?
NEXT: From a different movie; but again I will do my best to set the mood. Two girls dressed only in towels come in the locker room to discuss their swim meet practice. The studio setting looks like it was constructed in the corner of a basement; the scene is dressed with a few desks lockers, a generic sports pennant that reads ‘GO STATE!’, and a plant bench. Then the sexy dialogue begins.
Crystal: And I say, I can still make my time, and put us into the state finals.
Hailey: Not if you're out humping frat guys every night. It zaps your strength.
Crystal: Oh please. I get laid. Keeps me cool and relaxed so I can perform at the meets. Keeps me loose.
Coach: Not too loose so you can't stay focused.
(*Note: This really isn't too unrealistic of a line for a coach. Any high school coach has a bag of one-liners like this that make absolutely no sense. Not too loose so you can't stay focused. Great advice. Of course, the unrealistic part is that a male coach can just stroll into the girls locker room like its no big deal.)
Coach: (pointing to Crystal) That was you're best race time yet!
Crystal: Aw, thanks coach!
Coach: And, uh, (looks at Hailey) you seem to be off a few seconds.
Hailey: Really? I thought I did okay.
(*Note: More great advice, coach.)
Coach: Maybe you should take your friend's advice.
Hailey: Advice?
Coach: About getting loose. When's the last time you got laid? Or uh, had some good head? Or you just finger yourself to dream about it?
Hailey: Mhhmm, I dunno.
Coach: Must not have been very memorable if you can't remember it.
(*Note, again, the male's brain is working strictly on autopilot. He knows what’s coming. He can't think straight, so he can't help but define the world memorable in his sentence; memorable - something you can't remember. Great advice.)
Crystal: She lost her cherry in high school.
Hailey: Hey!
Coach: Maybe you need a real man's help.
At this point, the Coach whips off Hailey's towel with one swift motion.
Hailey: Hey!
Crystal: (laughs) (*Note: Play the clip to hear the differences of the “heys”. Hey #1 is when you are embarrassed about your sexual past. Hey #2 is when a middle-aged rapist rips a towel off your now-naked body.)
Coach: You've got nothin to be ashamed of here. You afraid to show the guys what you got?
Hailey: No sir.
Crystal: (laughs)
(note: Compare the laughs. This laugh is genuine, unlike the last one which was obviously faked. It's probably because Hailey gave that last line with such a straight face.)
Coach: You embarrassed by it?
Hailey: No sir.
Coach: Good. So what's the problem?
(Note, I dunno, a filthy monster is touching me?)
Coach: Your mind on some jock? Some stud who promised you a fuck if you win the race?
Hailey: Mmm...something like that.
Coach: Look, I need you girls focused on me, not on the cock, got it?
Hailey and Crystal: Got it.
Coach: You’re our best. And I need you focused. So I'm going to help you do that, okay?
The Coach proceeds to whip his crooked dick out in one creepy pedophilish banana-like swoop. Painful suppressed memories of my gym teacher in high school are coming back...
Coach: Well don't just sit there, GET WITH THE PROGRAM!
They start to go at it.
Coach: Just like life, cocksucking's about winning. That's it, it's a competition ladies.
(The above quote would make a really good ringtone. The rest of the double ass penetration is followed by more sexy dialogue and occasionally, the porn stars break character and start laughing.)
I really enjoy the acting, for some reason it makes me happy instead of turning me off. Well, it doesn’t turn me on. But I do enjoy it. Am I the only one?
Here’s another choice one-liner. Just listen. Also, try and appreciate the acting next time you are “taking care of masturbating”.