Often, most of the laugh track from SBTB was from insulting one-liners. And boy, did those get personal. "Tuna Brain." "Nerd Breath." "Pig." Especially harsh were the ones that were oh-so-clever play on words. "Look who's back from the planet of the dorks!" or "Beauty and the Dork". However, real high school dialogues were a lot more, well, different. Allow me to translate.
Slater - "You're dead meat, preppy." = "I'm going to beat the shit out of you fag."
Jessie - "Women and men should be treated equal." = "I'm a total carpet muncher."
Screech - "Zoinks!" = "You thought Columbine was bad…"
But then again, maybe you don't feel the need to swear if your high school didn't look like this.
Although almost every episode takes place inside the school, virtually every episode made sure that they had to leave the school one way or another while school was still in session. Like the episode where Zack had to cut every class to win a bet with Slater. Cut every class? It's called don't go to school. Because if you go to school, the only way you leave if a). if you're bleeding and vomiting simultaneously or b). sneak out in such an elaborate, over-the-top, highly coordinated plan like on Prison Break, which isn't really worth the trouble when you could have just not gone in the first place. The point is, in this episode, how many times does Zack leave the school without question? I mean, his only obstacle is getting past the teacher in the class. Once you're in the hall, you're in the clear, less of course, Mr. Belding happens to be on one of his mobile patrols. You needed a passport and two forms of ID to leave my high school.
Lastly, the most glaring and obvious difference from normal high school to fantasy Saved By the Bell High, is the student activities themselves. A lot of episodes were about causes; trying to save the environment when the OPEC fat cats wanted to drill on their land…it only took one oil-slicked duck for them to turn down billions of dollar of revenue. Or the type they tried to save the Max from closing down. The point is, they always had a cause, they were always doing something positive. The slightest detour from the noble righteous path would careen their lives into nightmarish pain and suffering. Remember the time Zack drank maybe ¼ of a beer and as a result of his reckless DUI ended up totaling a car? Or the most classic of Saved By the Bell, perhaps the one of the most talked about episodes of television ever, yes, Jessie and the caffeine pills. That's right. She hopelessly became addicted to over-the-counter speed.
I know that addiction to over the counter drugs is plausible and some people actually are. But what about our high school? Did our students take up causes on a daily basis?
Yes, if you count making fun of handicap kids.
Did our students ever drift of the "right" path?
Yes, but instead of drinking one quarter of a beer, it was heavy daily intoxication mixed with cocaine trafficking. Instead of taking caffeine pills, they just got high all the time.
Instead of not being able to afford a dress for a school dance, 15 year old girls got pregnant instead.
That's probably why Saved By the Bell was such a great show, despite how lame, over-the-top, and unrealistic it was. In fact, the show was a downright lie. And so fucking lame. Yet, like many shows of the time (most notably Full House or Step by Step), they followed the same lame-ass unrealistic lesson-learning bullshit plots with absolutely no swearing or nudity, and whenever the reruns come on, you always chide how fucking lame they were (me too), yet you can't look away. You don't switch the channel. It's a fantasy escape from real life. Or maybe because it's just stupid childhood nostalgia. Whatever.
Does anyone remember this fag, Kevin, lol?